Confession #12: I've missed the mark.

This past Tuesday was a rough one. It was filled with a lot of truth, a lot of honesty, and a little too much talking. It came to my attention that a majority of the time, my mouth forms words that are judgmental and harsh. When I try to convey a certain message, it is often twisted and seen as hateful and hypocritical. I share my spiritual life with all of you, but some see it as bragging. I'm an open book when the Lord lays something on my heart, but some see it as being too vulnerable. I am straight-forward and sincere, but I'm a hypocrite.

It's no secret that I'm not an advocate of underage drinking. Or premarital sex. Or drug use of any kind. Or a lot of other things. I don't agree with that lifestyle and I believe it only leads to immense self-destruction down the line. I've seen it hurt my relatives, contribute to suicide attempts of those around me, and prolong depression rather than inspiring recuperation. I've seen it destroy families and creative genetic patterns that continue for decades. After seeing the pattern present in my own lineage, I promised myself I'd do whatever I could to counteract such methods of demolition.

Do I apologize for my views? No. But I apologize for the approach.

I try to stem from love in everything I do. Under the hard shell and thick skin, I am an extremely loving person. As you all know, I'm affectionate with my friends, a sappy romantic, and I keep my emotions on the surface. I have so much love to give, and I just want the best for everyone. I want everyone to follow Christ. I want this world to bounce back from how far it has fallen. I want people to follow the law, believe in marriage, and do things to better themselves, not perpetuate harm. I want everyone to understand what it's like to be content with your decisions and experience joy every single day. I want you to feel loved. Especially by Him.

Am I a perfect person? Far from it. Everyone sins, everyone falls, everyone strays. It's human nature; we were given free will as a means of choosing our own path, despite the road that God has already made for each of us. "With great power comes great responsibility." We can use this free will to live a life that tries its hardest to glorify the Lord, or we can make decisions that push us further and further away from His will. It's up to each individual to make that choice. I try every single day to be aware of my actions and their consequences, especially spiritually. But I make mistakes. I say mean things and let words slip and have a faulty filter. I have to cognitively make the choice to not spit poison left and right. Life isn't any easier for Christians. The sinful nature is still there. The remorse is still there. But the difference lies in the motivation -- I don't live to better my own endeavors. I live to better my relationship with Him.


I've made a lot of wrong turns in my 19 years of existence. And I have no doubt that I'll make hundreds more in the years to come. But the most important part of the story is the reversal. The u-turn back to Him. The recognition of the action's true meaning that does not align with the Word. Isaiah 59:2-3 says: "But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken falsely, and your tongue mutters wicked things."Sin forces a wedge between us and the Lord. The literal definition of "sin" translates to "miss the mark" -- to make a decision that veers from His will, strays from His path, and claims ourselves as our own authority. I have my own perception of what is right and wrong, of what is spiritually aligned with God. But what does that matter? Do I have the final say it what sin is and what it isn't? No. And you don't either.


He does.
He already paid the price, cured the virus, killed the problem.
The debate was resolved over nearly 2,000 years ago.

What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for offending anyone and everyone. I'm sorry for being hypocritical and saying one thing while doing another. I'm sorry for sinning, for dishonoring the Lord, and for not achieving the perfection others hope for. I understand that passing judgment on those who live differently than I do is no the proper way to go about it. That method is definitely not a reflection of the life Jesus lived. He loves ever sinner, regardless of the magnitutde of their transgressions. He loves me despite my mistakes. I have to extend the same to others. I have that love in my heart, but it tends to come across as quite the opposite.

I'll work on the method, but the message remains.

"First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world. God, whom I serve in my spirit in preaching the gospel of his Son, is my witness how constantly I remember you in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last by God’s will the way may be opened for me to come to you...For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith."

-Romans 1:8-10, 16-17