Confession #4: To fear the Lord is fearless.

Lately I've been pondering the idea of "fearing the Lord" -- what it truly means and why we are called to live in this fear. When you're a young child, whether in the physical sense or in terms of your spiritual journey, it seems daunting. The Bible repeatedly tells of us God's power and control as we are warned to fear Him. Leviticus 25:17 warns us, "Do not take advantage of each other, but fear your God. I am the Lord your God." We are reminded again and again that the Lord is our God, the One through whom all blessings flow. Although I've learned about this idea since I was in elementary school, it still baffles me on a daily basis. When I think of the power of God, I am amazed and in awe at His ability to guide a world like this through the darkness. My first instinct is not to fear the Lord but instead see Him as a companion in my corner. I am slowly starting to realize that these two ideas do not contradict each other but instead work together, as the Bible tells us, for our good. In Deuteronomy 5:29 the Lord says to Moses, "Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever!" That verse taught me something tonight: we are called to fear the Lord in order to bestow blessings on our lives. And not just the lives of our friends and family, but our own children -- and their children -- and our children's children -- and every generation to come. What we do right now, on July 16, 2012, will affect those who live to see July 16, 2500. It may be hard to grasp that concept, but it's an honest philosophy that is promoted throughout the Lord's word. Instead of seeing God's command to fear Him as a boastful threat to our own safety, we must begin to understand His plan for our lives as we are led down a winding path of trials and tribulations in order to come out victorious. The Lord is with us every day -- after all, this is the day that the Lord has made. And although everything doesn't always work out for our good in every moment, it eventually does. That is a validation of the power He has over our lives. This sense of control is designed to comfort us into a sense of hope for the future, not terrorize us over the trials of today. Both Deuteronomy 10:20 and Joshua 24:14 remind us to fear the Lord and serve Him. These ideas go hand in hand; in order to fully serve the Lord our God with everything we have in everything we do, we must fear Him. Without fear, we cannot serve. Without the Lord, we cannot live.

As I learned more about fearing the Lord, I was brought to Proverbs 31. This is one of my favorite chapters of the Bible as it teaches us about The Wife of Noble Character.

Proverbs 31:10-31 states:

A wife of noble character who can find? 
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value. 
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands. 
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy. 
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

As I transition from the life of a high school teenage girl to a collegiate young woman, I know that I will struggle to keep God on my mind at every moment, as I should. After all, college is deemed the temptation of all temptations. Over the past 18 years, I have managed to avoid the evil temptations that loom over the youth of this generation. I have never tasted alcohol, been offered a drug, or indulged in lust. Though some times have been more challenging than others, I have surrounded myself with a core group of friends who love the Lord and help me to remain abstinent and pure. I know that college will be a culture shock. Alcohol everywhere. Parties every day. Offer after offer. Temptation after temptation. But I also know the strength that I have and my ability to stand up to such influences. I've pledged to myself and the Lord to spend the next four years of my life prepping for my role as a wife -- hopefully one of noble character. Proverbs 31 serves as my outline, a pseudo checklist of tasks and preparations to be made before anyone puts a ring on it. When I read it, I realize that I have a whole heck of a lot to work on if I want to live the life that God has called me to live. And of course I do. I want nothing more than to become a wonderful spouse to a Godly man who aids me in raising our sweet children - Tobin, Ely, Lillia, and Haylin. Sure, a passion-filled career and steady paycheck wouldn't hurt. But all I've ever wanted is to be a wife and a mother. I find those roles to be the most beautiful yet testing experiences a woman will ever have. To stick with someone through thick and then, 'til death do us part. To teach an innocent being how to live in this not so innocent world before they are legally released to teach themselves. To age gracefully, to grow in the Lord, to be of noble character. So much beauty in the opportunities of a woman.

My favorite part of this chapter lies in verse 25, as God depicts a wife "clothed with strength and dignity." Clothed. The diction used in this passage strikes a chord with me. In contrast to Ephesians 6 where we are called to "put on the armor of God" in order to fight against the devil, Proverbs describes a wife clothed with dignity and strength. The connotation of the word paints such a beautiful and delicate picture in my mind. A woman so graceful, so poised, with a soul so brightly illuminating the love of the Lord that everyone around her can see it. But her garments are not stiff like armor. They do not intimidate or scare away those who walk past her. Instead she remains approachable. Gentle. Motherly. In my life, I have attempted to remain strong and dignified in every situation. But that sense of toughness often manifests itself into anger and hostility. I walk through life nearly every day with a shell of rigorous, temperamental armor on my chest. Durable, yes, but not sensible. Not comfortable. Not comforting. Not inviting. Not invoking. Sure, it comes in handy when dealing with the trickery of satan and his temptations, but there is no need for harshness like that when dealing with my brothers and sisters in the faith who are on my side. It often creates a wall that pushes others away and masks me as unapproachable. But not anymore. I'm ready to trade in my armor for a robe of strength and dignity. A magnificent, beautiful gown that draws the attention of those around me in order to lead them to the Lord and exemplify the numerous blessings He bestows on my life.

I want to challenge you today. I challenge you to fear the Lord. To cling to Him in times of trouble. To kneel at His feet and lay down your burden. I challenge you to live the life of a Proverbs 31 woman -- or man. To be a wife of noble character and walk with the Lord as a spouse and parent. To find a wife of noble character and cherish her until you take your last breath.

From this day forward, I pledge to put in the effort necessary to follow the guidelines set before me in the Lord's book. And I hope that you will do the same.

Confession #3: I am called.

I went to Bible Study today with my closest friends, as I do every Sunday evening, but for some reason tonight felt different. There were about five more of us than usual which created much more discussion, and we ended up stretching the conversation about an hour longer than every other Sunday. I really enjoyed tonight's talk over John 12. We've been going through the book of John for the past couple of months now and I've liked it, but I connected more with this chapter than than the previous 11.


When we got to the fourth section of John 12, Nikky got onto the topic of serving the Lord and doing what He has called us to do. All of us graduated high school in May and are headed off to college in the fall, so that idea struck a heavier chord with us than some of the other ideas presented. Every single teenage brain in that room was spinning with the details of moving away and college majors and career choices and the future and destiny and decisions and independence and growing up. My wheels were turning incredibly fast as I tried to process all of the change that is about to happen in my life exactly five weeks from today -- my last day as a resident of North Richland Hills. I am one of the only two people in my "friend group" that are leaving the state to continue school. The other is going to Florida while I am headed to Missouri. Everyone else is staying here, in the Lonestar State, and although they will be away from home in the sense of living apart from their parents and enduring a sort of "road trip" to come home, they will still be home. In this state, with these traditions and laws and influences. Whether they're going to A&M, UT, Austin College, Texas Tech, or Rice, they are just a few hours away from their families and everything they've known for the past 18 years. Come August 12, I will be a resident of Missouri. With new traditions and laws and influences. New people, new surroundings. 11 hours away from everything I've known for the past 18 years. As excited and anxious I am to get started, I am dreadfully nervous to take on the responsibility of determining my future on my own.

In John 12:26, Jesus tells us "If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him." Jesus calls us to serve Him in every aspect of our lives, every day. I do my best to follow His ways but as August gets closer and closer, I often wonder if what I am about to do is what I am called to do -- what I am destined to do by the will of my Father. On a nearly daily basis, I deal with questions about my career and collegiate choice from the people around me. Some questions are sincere curiosity, but others strike with offense and doubt. I know that journalism is termed a "dying industry" -- I know. And I don't need anyone else to tell me that. What I DO need is encouragement. Growing up is scary as hell. But I am doing my absolute best to follow what I believe is God's calling on my life. And although Mizzou is 11 hours away, and although my student loans hit $5,000 and my parent loans stretch up to $12,000, and although my major isn't seemingly successful or adequate for the life everyone else seems to want me to live, and although I am doubted every single day, I am going. I am moving away from this monotonous life of Texan residency to do bigger and better things. Make a name for myself. Write articles that change people's lives. Spread the love of the Lord internationally via numerous mediums of journalistic technology. I've made up my mind: I will succeed. But I have to do my best to ignore the doubts that are thrown at me as well as those that reside in my own mind. Maybe journalism isn't what I'm destined to do, and maybe I'm making a huge mistake....but right now, it feels right. I could care less whether or not my future paychecks hit 6 digits. As long as it covers enough digits to take care of my children, I'm satisfied. I feel no need to achieve wealth in the terms of this world but only in my spiritual endeavors. 1 John 2:15-17 warns us; "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world -- the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions -- is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." From that verse, it is clear that our focus should not lie in materialism but spiritualism. Forget the square footage of your residency or the social status of your persona or the number of carrots in the ring on your finger. Remember the sacrifice of the Lord and his specificity in your creation as well as the infinite love and planning that has gone into His preparation of your destiny, both of this world and of the Heavens. When I think of the future, of course I want to be successful in my career. But I don't feel the need to reach the level of wealth and perfection that others seem to dwell on. I just want to write good pieces and find a sense of love in what I do every day. What matters to me is the impact my profession has on the lives of others, my ability to remain passionate about a career that I hope to hold long-term, and the success of my efforts to embody the life of a Proverbs 31 woman.

John 12:36 says "While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light."

I have it, and I believe it.

I am a daughter of the light and I am determined to do what God calls me to do, regardless of the doubt you have.